Monday, February 28, 2011

So it begins

You may not realize it now, but this has been a long time coming. Inevitable may not be the word to describe it--goodness knows there's enough on my plate already; I don't really need to do this. But there are only so many times that I, even I, can postpone a project, and I guess tonight I realize it's time for me to either poop or get off the toilet.

There we go. First poop joke in the third sentence of the blog. Just to make sure we get started off on the right foot. What's that? Do I hear the deafening fingering of 'back' hot-keys? No, gentle reader, say it isn't so. Here is a haven for eccentricity, ramblings, fun, and all things nerdy. For this is Ben's Nerdery.

So sit back and enjoy as I regale you with rants and reports of the unfettered nerdiness that is my life. First, a schizo moment brought to you by the requisite blog exposition:

Who am I?
This is not an existential trough, I assure you. No, kind web trolls, you don't have to fear my ennui infecting you through the innocuous display of your monitor. I am Ben Vara, a humble, occasionally irritable, usually abrasively humorous, aspiring writer couched in the chocolate-y center of the United States of America.

What am I?
Many things, most of them funny, cute, and weird in their portions. I am a Christian, conservative, husband, soon-to-be-father, gamer, critic, arm-chair scientist, arm-chair politician, back-seat driver, no-longer-young, not-yet-old, and devourer of popular culture. I'm certain all of these things will come up in the life of this blog, so in the interest of full disclosure, I dump these labels on you now. Some of them won't come up often, and others will doubtless come to define my blogger avatar, much like bloobies have come to define a recent stain on the face of popular science-fiction.

There we go. A bloobies reference and a dig on James Cameron's abusive relationship with the science fiction genre. Keeping things nice and straight-forward.

What is this?
This is a PowerBook G4, a sturdy and humbly-outdated piece of anti-microsoft hardware. I've used it to wage my war on depression, insanity, and moral fibre for years now.

Wait, what did you mean by 'this'? Oh, my blog...

Well, it is going to be a fun way of whiling away the few hours between shifts as father, husband, and employee, of sharing my many and as sundry thoughts on society at large, and of dumping my numerous bile-filled rants about the lack of science fiction development in popular media. I'll probably post a few tips for those who share my hobbies, a few musings and words of encouragement for those who share my views, and a fun way to connect with those who have shared my life experiences.

Now you have a scattered and possibly intimidating introduction to my blog. I have some featured articles planned for the future, so I will permit you a brief, brief glimpse of things to come*...

Sunday Driving: The world(my select portions of it, at least) is filled with bad, thoughtless drivers. Maybe you're one of them. If not, you might be sleeping with one. Bad drivers are everywhere, but we can do something about it. Well, I can, anyways. These articles will be filled with rants about bad driving and contain graphic illustrations of how proper driving should be conducted.

Dumbasscience: Science is not always smart. Oh no sir-ree-Bob. Sometimes it is just plain stupid. That's okay, I won't judge. I'll just point it out and mock it mercilessly. These articles will contain rants from history and breaking news where scientists are pursuing through-and-through bad ideas. From the 'flying your car to work' pipe-dream, to various plans of how to forcibly reverse global warming, if it's technological and perilous to rationalists, it's Dumbasscience.

The Time for Dick Measuring: There we go. A needless reference to God-given anatomy. Sometimes you should take stock and compare your manhood with other men around you. But, alas, it is not always appropriate. The Time for Dick Measuring articles will help to navigate the mine-field of situations where you must resist the urge to compare your hampton to your fellow man's.

Don't Be That Guy: One of the best things about being one out of several billion is that there's always somebody doing something stupid. If you keep your eyes open, you can usually wait for a stupid person to try something first. Watch them fail, laugh, and be sure not to repeat their mistake. Or read my blog and get the skinny straight from the Nerdery.

There will also be reviews and critiques of movies, books, and games as I can come up with them.

Checklist of habitual references in this post:

  • Poop idiom
  • Bloobies reference
  • Attack on James Cameron's exploitative relationship with science fiction as a genre
  • Penis reference

*Ten(10!) points to the first person who doesn't know me to catch and identify the movie reference.

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