Declassified documents of the world: GIVE TO ME!!!
The UK Ministry of Defense recently declassified UFO reports going back a couple of decades. You know I was all over those bad boys like cheesy goodness on an order of Lonestar's Amarillo cheese fries. Oh my gosh, I don't know why I invoked them without cause. Now I'll be jonesing for that platter of spuddy divinity all weekend.
Moving on. I was really excited as I downloaded the couple thousand pages' worth of reports. And while I'm sure there will be a good number of anecdotes highlighting the impressionable stupidity of people abroad(that will be handy, too), I anticipate finding at least a few deep dark secrets that the 00's of Great Britain have missed. Watch as I uncover the true myths behind the cover up, adding layer upon layer onto the fragmented layer cake from a cancelled wedding that is the modern conspirator's library. I plan on making fools of MI-6's G-men(hehehe, that's such a funny-sounding expression), and you can be witness to my exposé of the mundane truth of the famous landing in Britain...you know, the Roswell of England...er, some famous UFO landing in Britain. At least, I bet I'll find out about one in the coming weeks.
Of course, I doubt we'll be getting much in the way of the showy stuff science-fiction enthusiasts like myself dream about. I'm certain the UK's Ministry of Defense is keeping all of those files in a secret, double-locked replica of the queen's wig. And if they did accidently release something from those secured tomes you can bet they'd...correct me on my disrespectful reference to the Queen's honour, despicably implying that the noble hair of the centre of royal authority resembled a wig.
At such point I'd be remiss if I didn't beg forgiveness for the knavish pretence with which I have addressed the issue: possessing myself of uncommon gall to lightly handle and inspect the goings-on of the British Realm.
Ta and cheerio, that's a good lad.